...where the music is like water rushing through you ... your function is really like that of a hose

1.20.2010

Face Melting Politicians: John Ashcroft




Got to hand it to you John, the front row never saw that that kind of performance coming. Who could have foreseen the Attorney General of the United States melting the makeup off church-goers from rocky coast to rocky coast with his own American classic.


Adding to the meltage, was the eagle soaring news coverage which became an instant classic with young and old both sharing in the moment.

FACE MELTING CHURCH FLASH BACK!





Abridged Lyrics:


This eagle's place is in the sky.
She's still got a lot of flying to do.
You can see it in her eye,
Though she's cried a bit
For what we've put her though.

'Only God, no other kings.'
Let the mighty eagle soar.



I can say without a doubt my favorite line is the last. It really ties the room together, no? Amazing he was able to use God, Kings and Eagles in two phrases and make it work that well. Bravo, sir, on a job well done under pressure! Let the Eagle Soar is definitely going to replace God Bless America as my go to smashing-bud-cans patriotic song of choice.

In the FWIW category, my fact finding research on the phrase 'only God, no other kings' turned up this gem from a reverend for the Christian Coalition. Check out Reverend Austin Mile's Blog in which he manages to use the phrases "poop-bombing" and "Chicken Friendly City" - Awesome, rev! I will never make the mistake of challenging a member of the Christian Coalition to a game of Scattergories ever again. Be a fan!

1.18.2010

Jaco Pastorius Melts Himself



At first I thought this clip of Jaco Pastorius was going to melt me, however, it became apparent that Jaco started to melt himself around the 3:25 mark (Note: 1st self ownage of the blog). A couple slaps to the frets and Jaco slows down time. The trick though, is for all the mustacho's in the band to play faster. Later on, the keyboardist says, "Oh, what the heck" and starts whacking a drum. Not to be outdone, Jaco starts whacking his bass. BOOM! MELTAGE!

Let's analyze the meltage, shall we? When you just start whacking your instrument with reckless abandon and your technique is so good it works, your face is definitely on fire. How that drummer didn't have a "time to make the donuts" meltdown I have no idea, but for the rest of us, just another snapshot into Jaco's insane abilities.

Interesting point they make: why the hell would musicians want to get on stage and try to improvise? Don't they know nobody listens to that crap?

I'M PAYING FOR YOU TO PLAY IT LIKE ITS CUT ON THE CD SO MY WIFE DOESN'T GET BORED A-HOLE!!!!
Sorry, your wife is probably going to leave around the 6 minute mark.

Anywho, this classic recording sets a new gold standard for any young inspiring mustached musicians trying to play complicated jazz. Jaco Pastorius, the man, the myth, the chart

Looks like Alcohol is a 1.4 in harm and nearly a deuce in dependence. All the good ones...

Bryan Adams: The Canadian Sensation



Bryan Adams ("BA")- King of Rock or Rock King?

Doesn't matter what you call him, all he does is continually melt faces all over northern north America. Is there such a thing as too much intensity at a live show? As far as I'm concerned, no living musician today can match the kind of tonsil exploding face meltage this Canadian commander has crushed over the years. Think you know how to party in the Plain States, eh? Try getting BA'd by some heart wrenching acoustic vibrations for gosh sake...

Bryan Adams Festival?

Fire up the Gravitron and helicopters! Bryan Adams is coming to your town to throw it down. How did I miss this festi? Jambase concert alert fail of epic proportions.

Nonetheless, I'm super pumped for the Fargo, ND show. Just hoping I don't get those crummy seats like last time.

Miami Herald Interview - Bryan Adams can play jazz? -

Of course not, but...

'Everything I do'... STILL KICKS SERIOUS ASS

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you


Particularly moving is the 5th stanza in which the Canadian Sensation states:

"There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way"


Passages from 'Tao Te Ching' or an 8th graders diary? You be the judge.

This tragic love void can only mean one thing - the sickest whammy bar guitar solo of all time and the infamous "hold a guitar like a dangerous snake" D-Chord trickery only BA can pull off.



Prince: While My Guitar Gently Melts Your Face



Face Meltage commences at the 3:20 mark in this clip. This guitar solo rocks, nothing funny about that. Seriously, Prince is the man.

For those of you who thought you would spend your Saturday evening nestled on the couch with your loved one casually flipping through the tube...

WHAM! STRUT! WHAM!

The funny looking little man in the red top hat turns out to be Prince and he proceeds to melt your f-ing face off.

1.13.2010

Wo0K w/ Trey Blazer



Trey must have finally realized most 45 year old men don't wear Marvin the Martian or Pepe Le Pew t-shirts.



100% Wasted Wook
100% Worsted Wool